


You're my home

by erendriel



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Avengers Tower, Comfort, Depression, Drama, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining Bucky Barnes, Wade Wilson x Bucky Barnes, winterpool - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-28 17:26:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15054179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erendriel/pseuds/erendriel
Summary: A short Winterpool collection where Bucky helps Wade through emotional struggles and they develop a bond closer than friendship.It's slightly AU as Wade Wilson is an Avenger in this and he lives in the Avengers tower with the others. Vanessa has died in this fanfiction, and Wade is coping with her loss and with his own personal struggles. He's spent the most time with Bucky, and so Bucky is the one who knows him best and helps him through it.





	You're my home

It had been a particularly rough day for Wade. He’d gone to bed late the night before, he’d been walking around outside, pondering again. He couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep. He didn’t even feel the need to make vulgar jokes even when the other Avengers gave him full opportunity. He’d slept until noon, sat in the shower for about an hour, humming every single sappy 80’s song he could think of until he got too tired to even make a noise. There weren’t any jobs to work. Most of the Avengers were just enjoying their time off. But for Wade it meant being locked up with himself, with every doubt in his mind. He was nitpicking at his own flaws, and the mirror on the wall wasn’t really lifting his spirit. He’d only gotten up once with the intention of covering up that very mirror, but the moment he reached it, his blood was boiling up so much he’d slammed at it with his fist multiple times, breaking it into pieces and causing his hand to bleed. Not that it mattered, it healed within seconds.  
Evening was approaching and he still hadn’t left the room. He was laying on the bed, hood of a sweater pulled over his head to cover up as much as he could. He wouldn’t admit it if anyone asked, but he was feeling like crap. Working jobs kept him distracted from thinking too much. He’d get the job done, get tired, crack a few jokes and try to fall asleep as fast as he could so he wouldn’t have to think about anything else.

  
If it weren’t for the door suddenly flying open, he would’ve stayed zoned out even further, but the sudden noise caused him to snap his head up to see who had decided to come in.  
“Buckaroo…” He mumbled with whatever excitement he could muster up.

  
“What the hell are you still doing in bed, I haven’t seen you all day.” Bucky said as he leaned against the doorframe. He had his hair tied up into a bun and had put about as much effort into his clothing as Wade himself.

  
“You’ve been here all day?” Wade asked instead of answering his question. He worked around it, of course. What else would he do? Tell the guy he wished he could die right now. Yeah… No.

  
“You didn’t answer my question.” Bucky retorted, eyes averting to the mirror for a second and his expression visibly changed, but he didn’t bring it up. At least not right away. He’d gotten used to Wade, it seemed. He used to be able to talk himself out of situations and even add in a few jokes. But perhaps he’d just spent too much time around Bucky to do that anymore. He liked Bucky, genuinely. He was a nice guy, and he didn’t seem to give a crap that Wade looked like a house fire. He’d probably had enough of being judged based on appearance himself too. His metal arm wasn’t exactly subtle either. At least he could hide it, right.

  
“It’s my day off, I’m resting.” Wade said dropping his head back onto his pillow with a shrug of his shoulders. Laying it on casually. Seemed fair enough.

  
“Oh yeah? You don’t look relaxed.” Bucky grumbled back at him as if he could read Wade like an open book.

  
“I didn’t say I was relaxed, I said I was resting.” Wade replied, lifting his head up again just to give Bucky a smirk and a wiggle of his brows as if he’d just said something very clever. Really it was just another attempt at a coverup.

  
“You forget that I know you, Wade.” Bucky scoffed, pushing himself away from the doorframe, walking over to the bed, sitting down at the edge by Wade’s feet. “What’s going on?” He asked, cocking his head up.

  
Wade sighed and rolled his eyes like some moody teen, sitting up and pulling his legs in. “So I went to prom with this cute girl and she never called me back.” He said dramatically, only to receive a gentle punch in the shoulder from Bucky, causing Wade to grab at it with a dramatic gasp, mouthing an ‘ow’.

  
“No bullshit, asshole. What’s going on, c’mon.” He said, raising his brows expectantly.

  
“It’s nothing, I’m fine. Just a bit out of it, happens to the best of us, as you can see.” Wade said, still avoiding it. He didn’t want Bucky to pull a ‘and how does that make you feel?’ session on him. He didn’t need worthless advice and ‘the sun will shine again’ bullshit, because he knew that. The sun would shine again, every single day. But it just felt meaningless.

  
“You’re not just a bit out of it. You can’t fool me, Wade. You’re like this whenever we have days off. Usually less. But I know you’re not okay. You know I’m not gonna judge. If you don’t want advice, you can just vent. It helps.” Bucky urged like the stubborn fucker he was. Of course he was. Out of all of the Avengers he’d probably spent most of his time with Bucky. No one in this building knew him better. And he’d already proven to be loyal, whenever he talked with him about Vanessa, about how he still missed her. He was always there. But this was different, it was personal. There was no middle-person, it was about him and only him. He didn’t feel comfortable wearing his heart on his sleeve, he was worried something would happen to it, as that was the only thing that didn’t have a regenerative factor to it. His emotions.

  
Wade sighed and gave a nervous chuckle as he looked down at his hands in his lap. If he was gonna vent, he would at least look away. Make it a little less personal. “You’re right, I’m just…” He started, shrugging his shoulders. Man, feelings were really hard to talk about. He didn’t even know where to begin. He didn’t even know what words to use.

  
“I miss dying.” Wade then blurted out, looking up only quickly to see Bucky’s confused look. Of course it didn’t make sense. “I miss mortality, knowing I can check out and put a bullet in my brain whenever I want, knowing that even if I don’t, I’ll just get old and dusty and it’ll end someday, and I just… I don’t have that. Everyone around me is getting hurt, or dying, and someday it’ll just be me.” He finally rambled on, looking down at his own hands again. “If I fall in love with someone, they’ll die. They’ll die and I’ll be alone again, and I will be heartbroken, again.” He added, sighing. “And it’s not like anyone would want me anyway, I’m a mess, I look like a fucking car crash and I fart around people I’ve just met.” He said, adding in a joke to finish it off with anyway. He couldn’t help it, and it earned a soft, almost sad-sounding chuckle from Bucky.

  
“Listen…” Bucky started, taking in a deep breath as he shifted to sit closer to Wade, pulling his legs up onto the bed as well to face him. “Do you wanna hear it?” He asked, realising he’d told him he could just vent, and saying something in return could be contradictory to that.

  
“Go for it.” Wade said with a nod, looking up to look into Bucky’s eyes.

  
“I’m not gonna come at you with the ‘life is wonderful’ crap, because it’s not. I know all about that. But not everything is utter crap. I mean, you’ve got us. I know we’re not exactly a dream-family. But we’re one big dysfunctional family, and believe it or not. We all love each other.” Bucky started off with a chuckle. “And I know it sucks to lose people, it’s the worst feeling in the world. But to shut out love as to not feel any pain of loss is even worse. It’ll eat you…” He continued with a frown, looking right at Wade throughout it, never once looking away.

  
“Yeah, you’re the best f-word I could wish for.” Wade said with a chuckle, eyes slightly glazy. Eye contact really wasn’t his thing when it came to sensitive topics. “But I do fucking miss her man…” He added, shaking his head and looking down again as if it would stop the tears that threatened to come out. “She was fucking awesome. And she didn’t give a crap that I look like freaking Freddy Krueger.” He said, feeling the tears come out and rolling down his cheeks in overflow. He pulled the sleeve of his sweater over his hand and wiped them away while mumbling a: “Fuck, sorry…”

  
“Stop.” Bucky corrected him. “Don’t apologize. Let it out, it’s about time you do.”

  
Wade took a shaky breath and nodded. He didn’t have the strength to look at Bucky, however. So instead he just shifted around a bit and slowly laid his head down on Bucky’s lap, facing away from him as he sobbed like a little child. If Bucky was surprised by the gesture, he didn’t show it. He just let Wade settle in his lap and rested his hand on the other’s head lightly.

  
“It’s okay.”


End file.
